MORE BOO-HOO BUT MORE extra ~*~* boo-hoo

12.01.2024 midnight again :: damn my room is so hot...its like 20 degrees outside,how's it so hot in here? still embarrassed to say anything but...it's not like i'm opening up to anyone..and it's unlikely anyone will read this (it's ok if so) so i'm just opening up to...my site? myself...which can only be a good thing.. do you have a song where it's like --really good but whenever you listen to it it gets you really sad cuz you relate to it a lot and so even though it's really good you have to skip it or you'll just feel like shit...i do, and it has me thinking about like,i guess i can be *a tad bit* specific, times people have touched me (you know what i mean, in a bad way) and (call-back to the last thing i wrote on this page) feeling i guess dirty from it and how i feel about myself which is like, not lovable i suppose ...that part ya and i'd continue on with what i want to say and what's in my mind but i'd rather keep it in there, about the previous thing

11.30.2024 midnight :: well...(starting off with that word again) i don't feel good writing it down but i want to get my thoughts out of my brain some way, so what better way than..."privately"..on my website... i'm even embarrassed talking about it when nobody will see, pussy...but i err touched myself (trying to sound nice,jerked off hawhaw) for the first time in.a few days (what a saint! i should preach at the church,eh) and i felt less dirty than i usually do after..saying 'dirty' in a bad way, by the way..not like how they use it in rap songs. i don't know if that's good or bad, i always feel at least a *little* shameful or guilty afterwards..usually without a reason that i can think of..and i still felt that but i always go back for more because it makes me feel *good* for an hour..then back to feeling shame, sometimes more sometimes less. and i'm not here to talk about how i wanna stop, because i won't! after a while i feel better. it's just after and i look into the mirror,i see a stupid bitch who can't keep it's hands out of it's pants like a piggish hooker whore on the side of the street..i see a pig who always wants more pleasure..but about *today* or..night, while i was *in process* (don't know how to word it..less weird) i didn't feel me insulting myself in the back of my mind if that makes any sense, back to what i said earlier..i felt 'less dirty', ..than other times, where i feel like a puddle of mudd --felt very nice